And Baby Makes 4

I feel "officially" pregnant these days. People no longer glance at my belly without saying anything, secretly wondering if I'm expecting or if I perhaps have been eating too many burritos. People now are confident enough to ask the question, "Congrats. When are you due?" And yesterday my sister clued me in that I am waddling. And, I'm starting to dread bedtime, knowing that the chances are high I'll be uncomfortable for most of the night. So yes, I'm officially a pregnant lady.

Today I decided to stay home and do some more crafts. Yay! Camille is off at Safety Village and then has babysitter, so I am free to spend my day as I please. This is one luxury I'm not sure I can ever give up; the weekly "me" time.

As I was ironing my new fabric, I turned on A Baby Story on TLC. The epitome of pregnant women shows. I watched it religiously while I was pregnant with Camille from about week 30 on. (It still amazes/disgusts me that 95% of those women have cesarean, but hey, we live in the US.) Today's episode featured a family who had just one other child, a 4 year old boy. I'm intrigued with families who have two kids because that's what we'll be, and especially intrigued with those who have a 4.5 year age difference.

I haven't really thought so much about missing time alone with Camille, more so because I just don't want to think about it. But this lady on the show today was so dramatic about it, I thought maybe I should be thinking about it. I plan on taking time alone with her, continuing our "Wednesdays" now and doing something fun, just us. But understand that this won't be so easy until the baby is a little older and I feel comfortable leaving her alone with a sitter or more importantly, she can go longer than a couple of hours without her milk-maid. We're doing our best to talk to Camille about the time that's needed to care for a newborn, but whether or not she really understands it is still questionable. And really, it's an unknown to us as all babies are different.

I also wonder about Camille's first visit to the hospital after the baby is born. How am I going to feel when I see her, and how is she going to feel when she sees her new baby sister? Will she feel jealous? Happy? Excited? Will I feel sad? Will she feel sad? And then upon going home. Will I want to spend more time with the baby, or with Camille? And will I neglect one more than the other? How do you balance that? And how do I balance myself? And the big question, will I love one more than the other?

I think the good thing about having the two of them so far apart is that Camille is old enough to express herself with words. She's old enough now to express her emotions and talk to me or Barry about how she's feeling. She knows when she's sad, happy or has hurt feelings and this should help us all.